Lol! All three in same sentence.
Let’s get straight to topic : Why do UPSC aspirants avoid family gathering and social events? There are so many reasons, I might fail to mention each reason one in depth.
- Indian relatives are toxic af! They have million innovative ways of mocking you. But the most common one is addressing you as ‘Collector Sahib(a)’ or ‘Bade Log’. Asking you about the result when they already know it. Telling you to get married – if you’re a girl. Telling you to get a job or you won’t find a girl for marriage – if you’re a guy. I know! I know! All Bullcrap. As if all this is not enough, you’ll always find that one asshole cousin who has been failing all the other easier exams year after year, and he’ll have enough audacity to declare in front of everyone that ‘UPSC to halwa exam hai bas ncert ke basics clear hone chahiye, you can easily clear it in the first attempt’ (translation: UPSC exam is a cakewalk)
- Family gatherings serve as a booster dose for parents n’ they get extra creative in taunting you: They taunt you like it’s the end of the world. Intentionally or unintentionally they end up comparing you to other kids of your age, the same kids who were apparently a bad influence and we were not allowed to be friends with and are now doing used mediocre 9 to 5 jobs. All of a sudden they are better than us, everyone’s better than us. And then your mom/dad would say to some aunty or uncle that “mera beta/beti mehnat nhi makkari karta hai tabhi fail ho jata hai. Nahin to hone ko to autorickshaw chalane walo ke bache street light ke niche padhai krke pass ho ajte hai”. This is just ridiculous! Why would I intentionally waste my own life. Also, should I feel guilty about being your daughter and not being autorickshaw driver’s daughter. “cause trust me I can do that if that’s what you want! So why compare when you don’t want me to be like them? Honestly, I wouldn’t mind relatives so much if I had the support of my parents.
- Lack of understanding and communication: However much I hate to admit this, it’s true that parents and relatives aren’t the only ones to blame here. I am also the reason. I cannot blame others for understanding what they don’t know and what I don’t even try to explain. Or maybe I’ll explain next time but will it change anything? They’ll still talk about money and marriage at the end of the day.
- Mental health: For the most part of the aspirant’s life, you struggle alone and I don’t mean the struggle of studying for an exam but the struggle and pain that comes with it. Whether or not you’ll clear the exams? What if you don’t? WHAT IF YOU DON’T? This question weighs so heavily on our mental health that we start dying a little every day. No, we are not weak. We’re just a bunch of really talented and smart people who are spending the prime years of our life with no certainty of a future career; ‘cause let’s agree, UPSC aspirants are the cream of the nation and with the caliber that they have, backup plans for them are nothing more than ugly consolations. It’s a pity! I know. We are yet to find our place in society. With all this going on in our heads, what else do you expect from us, fart rainbows out of happiness?
- Physical Health: Gray hair, Increased thickness of specs, and obesity are the more common ones that make us feel inferior in terms of appearance and as you know social gatherings are about appearances! I’ve even heard fellow aspirants complain of chronic neck and back pain and then there’s one of my online friends who got stiffened jaw due to stress (I don’t recall the medical term for it) but it was crazy, she had to survive on fluids for weeks. These are outcomes of our own bad lifestyle but it is what it is. The whole aspirant life revolves around fear, anger, frustration, anxiety, and above all passion, passion like all these other emotions breeds nothing but recklessness and thus, these health issues in long run.
This all feels so strange as if it’s not me who’s taking these decisions but someone else. I agree I’m not a fan of weddings and celebrations but I like my cousin sis. How can I even think of not going to my favorite cousin’s wedding? That can’t be me, right? What possible excuse can I come up with for such a crime? The exam’s in May and I don’t have a job so I can’t be busy. Guess, I’ll call sick – Typhoid!
Ugh..! Look at what I’ve become.
It’s still hard to put a finger on a single main reason. I think it’s a cumulation of all of the above that makes any social event so toxic for the majority of civil service aspirants. Of course, it’s all hearts and roses once you are selected for the services but god forbid if you fail, it gets worse. In the end, we decide to show up for a family function only after becoming something. That’s what we do…wait for success or for no. of attempts to exhaust.